Giving Myself Back: An Ongoing Lesson in Leaning in to the Dark
On a recent morning I went to a yoga class to hit back at the headache creeping up through my shoulders. Sometimes I prefer beginner's yoga classes because I don't feel the pressure of performance. I am familiar with the poses, and how to modify or challenge myself with them. But another distinct part of that truth is that I get far fewer funny looks in a beginner's class. I fully recognize that this world isn't built for me and that I have to navigate that. The truth is that I am not just the "inner beauty" that I've heard myself referred to. I am also a vessel that holds that in, of knit together skin, a puzzle of bones and muscle and fat beneath it. And it doesn't meet standards that many people believe it should. So the morning when I took a yoga class and the two women behind me started talking, snarking, and giggling pointedly at me I started that familiar fall into myself. Their ridicule was a reminder that I don't belong in this world. I